Under the Shadow
by Ayashi1
Summary: Meiji had finally dawned... with the grief of Tomoe's death still fresh in his mind, Kenshin embarks on his new journey as a rurouni... but still with the dark memories of everything that had happened.... KenshinPOV Chapter 5: Touched by an Angel
1. Chapter 1: New Dawn

Under the shadow

Chaper 1

I sighed.

Finally, it was over.

The orange colour of the new era's flags merged with the pink of the sunset sky. Even the sunset could not compete with the glorious scene that was emerging everywhere. The sun itself was hiding behind the flags- as more and more of them were hung up to announce the dawn of the new era. The dark streets of Kyoto were lit up with the glow of orange; the fields in the countryside seemed, at last, peaceful.

Yet the silence that filled the air was deafening to the human ear. Like many, I watched the glowing flags in silence, reflecting on everything that had happened. I watched as people held each other's hand, taking the comfort of each other's company, thankful that they had survived to see the final sunset of the old era and the dawning of the new. Sorrow, as the people remembered the lives that were shed to achieve this moment. Grief, for those who did not support the final victory of the Ishin Shishi. Above all there was the uncertainty of what lies ahead. The chaos of war might have ceased, but everyone understood it was going to take more than a magnificent show of flags to restore the damage the upheaval had created.

Without looking, I gripped the hilt of my sword and paused, before pulling the blade out of its sheath for the last time. The cold metal shone dimly in the disappearing sunlight, the reflection of the orange glow highlighting its dangerous edge. Collecting every bit of energy left in me, I quietly discarded the sword in the damp soil. As I did this, a calming spring breeze caressed the land, and I allowed myself to be overcome by exhaustion that I had desperately tried to hide when I was still a hitokiri. 

The breeze was my only companion, and it was comforting to hear its whisper. Yes, I thought, it was over. It was, at last, over.

I do not know how long I stood there in the breeze, staring numbly at the gleaming sword. The weariness I felt was nothing compared with the melancholy in my heart- I could not look at the sword without seeing the blood- the blood that I had shed. I had accomplished my goal- I reminded myself- the people would no longer suffer. Yet I was too tired, too consumed by personal grief, to feel any joy. I knew that even though I had helped in creating this new era, I would never be able to wipe clean the blood on my hands. I had vowed, that I should never shed another life after the peaceful era dawned. However, that being said, I needed to find a way to live my life and compensate what I had done, even though the debt may never be fully paid back. The weight of the load on my back had increased so much in the past few years I seriously considered turning myself upon my own sword. That thought was, however, doubtlessly selfish. It would be cowardice and an act of betrayal to the lives I carried on my back.

The price that I should pay for what I had done did not occur to me when I was so determine and wrapped up in helping create the new era. It was now too late to change anything, and I was unprepared to face the brutal consequences. Desperately, I wanted to escape, away from the dark years here in Kyoto.

Before that could be done, however, there were things I needed to do. Since it was inappropriate to use the sum I earned as a hitokiri for her grave, it meant that I was unable to get a proper resting-place for her. When I sat my thoughts upon this, I realized that Kyoto had created so much grief for her that it was inappropriate to be a peaceful resting-place for her anyway. Furthermore, I did not where her home was, even though if I had known I doubted I would have had the courage to face her family.

I decided that the only thing I could have done for her was to remember her in a place where she may not be disturbed, and hopefully rest in peace. Upon making that decision, after I was thrust with my sakabato to accompany my way, I hurriedly left Kyoto without saying goodbye to any of my comrades. There was no need- being the greatly feared hitokiri, I wasn't popular with any of them. Besides, everyone would be busy settling disorder in order to reunited with their families as soon as possible. They needed not be reminded of a deadly assassin in their victory celebration. There was no need for a hitokiri anymore.

It took me several days to arrive. I couldn't help but give a small smile as I realized nothing had change- the overgrown forest with sweet scent of wild flowers; the rustling of leaves; the sound of tickling water of a stream nearby…

"Kasumi-san. Sakura-san. Akane-san…"

I cupped my hand and bowed with respect. To this day, the kindness of these three women still touched me, and my gratefulness for what they had done for me could not be put in words.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited for so long," I murmured as I cleared the weeds around the three tombstones, "I…"

I stopped. I held out the soft, purple shawl and stared blankly at it. My throat felt dry.

"I had failed to protect someone I loved again," I finally said with a croaked voice, "… Someone… very… important."

Words failed me. I did not utter another word as I carefully poured water over the three tombstones. The water looked almost glittery in the last rays of light. Although the sun was already setting, I took my time searching for a suitable piece of wood to construct what I had in mind… I stumbled across a few promising pieces, yet I did not find exactly what I wanted. Dimly lighted stars were starting to take their positions, ready to lit up the night sky… I inhaled the cool twilight air. The world out here in the mountainsides was certainly refreshing, after spending years in a city like Kyoto.

It was good to be back. As I noted this my foot bumped into something- I bent to find a lovely piece of chestnut coloured wood- I wasn't familiar enough with trees' names to identify what kind of wood it was, but it felt like I had found the right one. The moon was already out when I carried the piece to the clear landing. Not wanting to abandon what I was doing, I smoothed the wooden piece by the moonlight.

Each stroke to smooth the wood was still vivid in my mind. The purple shawl kept me warm as I worked in the icy darkness. Finally, probably well into the night, I completed the wooden cross by binding the two pieces together and erected it behind the three tombstones.

I stood back. And bowed.

With my head bent low, the resistance to stop the hot tears that had welled in eyes for so long was breaking down, until it completely disappeared, and the tears started flowing freely.

"… Gomen nasai…" 

I found myself repeating those words, again and again.

This would be the last time that I weep, I told myself, as I spent the night in the safety of these souls. From tomorrow, I shall be strong… I shall leave this behind me, and I shall repay these people who had protected me with their lives by… By? My mind wandered. How should I repay them? In the darkness, I found no answer.

I wrapped the shawl closer around me. At that moment I felt like a lost child, and I quivered in the night.

How could I ever repay them?

I looked up at the faint outline of the wooden cross in the dark, and touched the cross-shaped scar on my left cheek. I drifted off in to sleep, with my hand over the wound.

How could I ever repay you, Tomoe?

***

This is my first RK fic! Hope it was ok . Did it seem really confusing? Please tell me what you think!


	2. Chapter 2: Scent of White Plum

Chapter 2

The sky was a soft blue when I woke. Roughly, I scrambled up and dusted my hakama with my hands. For a moment I took in the scene around me, remembering where I was. Then it was time to say goodbye.

I took off the shawl I had wrapped around my shoulder, and tenderly held it with my two hands. Tying it around the wooden cross, I sighed with a sense of relief. The shawl had provided security for me, as I fought in the bitter battles that at times seemed endless. The warmth of the shawl was, at times, the only thing that had kept me alive to this day. 

It was now time to leave it behind. There did not seem to be a day when dark memories did not haunt my mind after her death, even when I had retired from being a hitokiri. The memories of white plum and bloody rain constantly haunted me and I decided that if I did not force myself to escape by rejecting the memories of what happened, I swear I would have gone mad. Yes, I would need to face these nightmares again one day, face the consequences and there would be no escape; but right there and then I allowed myself to lock away this dark chapter of my life- at least for the time being.

I took a final bow, and turned to leave.

Despite the hollow feeling in my soul, it was a fine, crisp, Spring morning. I would head east, I decided, where the name Buttosai was not notable enough to get me in to trouble.

I had left Kyoto in such a hurry I did not pack much with me. I swung the drawstring bag over my shoulder and tied the sakabato tightly in my belt. Rurouni, I told myself, was what I should tell if anyone should ask. It was safer not to mention my name, as the time was still too dangerous to do so.

By the time I hit a paved road the sun was already hanging high up in the sky, and my stomach suddenly reminded me that I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. Baka, I muttered to myself; I had became so used to the calls for breakfast, lunch and tea served at the inn that I forgot all about meal times when there was no one to call out that the meal was ready. However I was not prepared to interact with people so soon when all I wanted was a peace of mind…

…But then again…

As soon as I sensed the smell of food, my body followed it without any problems. My senses led me to a small farmhouse, with fields of plum trees surrounding the small estate. Plum trees. I winced.

An old lady greeted me at the door.

"Konichiwa," I bowed slightly, adding a small smile on my face.

"Why, Ohayo, young man," the old lady replied, "What can I do for you?"

It was still morning? I must have totally lost the sense of time.

"Obasan, I am a wandering swordsman…" I started.

"Ah, and I suppose a hungry one at that? " she interrupted, "Are you a solider? Well I suppose now that the war is over, I better rephrase that to 'were you a solider'?"

Taken my surprise, I nodded uncertainly.

"You do look awfully young to be a swordsman," she continued, "So tell me, which side did you fought for?"

I hesitated. I would prefer not to answer. The old lady chuckled at my hesitation.

"Ah, I guess I shouldn't have ask that. Oh, but the war is over, is it not?" She gestured me inside, smiling warmly, "I am glad the war's over. May Kami-sama bless our world that it will become peaceful once more."

"Yes, may this new era be a peaceful one," I agreed.

It was warm and cozy inside the single room. A kettle was heating over the central fire pit, which provided the only source of light other than the window. The old lady gestured me to sit down nearby the fire, and kept her hands busy pouring some water from the kettle to make tea as she chatted away with me.

"Ah, but I guess it would mean you are now unemployed now that the war has ended?"  
I never thought of it that way. Yes, I amused, I was unemployed- happily unemployed. Aloud I said,

"It does not worry me. I may at last have some time to enjoy some peace and quiet."

"Yes," she grinned mischievously, "maybe now you will have some time to chase after some young ladies." 

There must have been a stunned look on my face, for she quickly added, "But I guess you maybe still a little too young for marriage."

There was a short awkward moment when I said nothing, and she handed me a warm cup of tea. I gazed into the cup, feeling a little lost by her words. 'I was too young to marry'. How would this woman react, I wondered, if I tell her that not only have I once married, but was already a widower?

I became all too aware of the scent of plum trees in the room.

"Do you grow plum trees for a living?" I almost slapped myself as soon as the words left my mouth; was I trying to inflict more pain to myself!? It was a pointless question anyway, since it was obvious with all the plum trees growing on her property.  
"Yes, my husband planted those before he died."

"I… I'm sorry."  
"Oh, there's nothing to apologize about," she waved her hand in a not-to-worry gesture, "He died a long while ago. Ah, but now that you mention it… He planted those and planned to earn our living by selling the harvest, but the soil here is no good for the plum trees to produce good fruits."  
"Perfume…?" it was the only other thing I knew about the use of plum trees.

"Hai! How did you guess? I don't make them of course. I just watch the plum trees grow and pick the flowers to sell to a small perfume company in Kyoto."

I avoided eye contact with the old woman. She did not notice my weariness, and generously offered me a bowl of rice and even some vegetables to go with it. I ate the food in silence as the old lady chattered on. It's early spring, I heard her say, the plum trees are starting to flower. I listened no more. The scent of white plums that drifted across from the open window was starting to become unbearable.

I thanked her hospitality and left.

***

Ahhh… Chapter 2!! ^_^ Poor Kenshin seemed to have become some sort of beggar for food o.O  
I'm sorry, because I didn't realize, that I had not allow anonymous reviews in my setting. Well I have changed that, so plz review, whoever you are!! I can not stop thanking you for reading! *bows deeply*


	3. Chapter 3: Melting of the snow

Chapter 3

The sound of running water lightened my footsteps, for I was thirsty and tired. Bending down to take a refreshing sip from the stream, I was surprise at my body's drain of energy after only a day's walk. Maybe it was because I haven't fully recovered from the strains of the last battle, I thought, or maybe not just that… Perhaps it was all of the strains that had built up from the battling years coming back to haunt me- and to remind me of who I was.

Deciding to call it a day, I took comfort under a petty stone bridge, right next to the stream I had just drank from. 

After I had left the old lady earlier that day, I traveled mindlessly along any road, having no idea of where I would end up. I simply wandered through the countryside in an easy walking pace, blocking everything that was on my mind. I could not, however, enjoy every moment of my walk. 

The road I took could be easily overlooked, as it was concealed with every sort of weeds. As if to add to its pitiful appearance, the road was broken up in to parts by last season's snow, which appeared determine not to let spring take over. The snow was so white I avoided dirtying it by not walking across. Instead I took out my shielded sword and brushed the snow aside, into a neat pile by the road. For some reason I yearned for the snow to persist- 'don't disappear', I said in my mind… 'Don't go away'.

I must have looked like a mad man, putting all my effort in to piling up the snow. Concentrating so much that I was caught totally unaware when someone approached me from my back.

"I'm sorry the snow's blocking your way, sir," spoke a man around his twenties, carrying some spades by his side, "I'll clean it up right away."  
"No don't kill it!" the words left my mouth so quickly I only realized what I had said when I saw the dumbfound look on his face. I shrugged, "Um, I mean to say, why? Um, as in, why clean it up for me?"  
"No, not really for you, lad," he chuckled, "Since this road is part of my land it's my responsibility to clean it." 

When I started to apologize for stepping on to his private property, he shook his head, "No, no at all! This is an abandon piece of land I bought a while ago. Now that the war is over I think it's about time I tidy up this place and make something useful out of it."

I cringed as he clumsily shoved the snow out of its spot, scattering the whiteness all over the place. My uneasiness must have been obvious, as he stopped his work to look up at me.

"You seem to have a liking for the snow, kid. But you know what? Snow's pretty to look at because it's so short lived. The snow's gotta melt someday," he said, "How can spring comes when the snow's still everywhere."

I stood, transfixed by his words. 

"… Last season's snow must vanish for new life to come back… so when snow melts, life starts again…"  
The man had chuckled again.  
"Yeah I guess you can put it that way."

Yes… how would spring ever come; how could you breath life back, when memories of last season is still there?  
I took one of the spades from him.

"Can I give you a hand?"

For that whole afternoon I helped him shoved the snow away, and as I did, I felt all my worries dissolved like the snow.

Now peeking from under the bridge, I looked up at the clear sky and saw the stars shining brightly against the dark background. Even though I was at a total drain of energy, remembering what had happened today somehow made the night a lot less distressing than the last, and I could not help but left a faint smile on my lips as I drifted off to sleep…

***  
This chapter is a little short ^^lll

Thanx to all of you who've read this fic… and I bow to all who have reviewed it! Your reviews made me blush and melt (like the snow!)


	4. Chapter 4: Part 1 Village by the mountai...

Chapter 4: Part 1- Village by the mountainside

Continuing on my journey, I reached a small village by the mountainside. I had decided I was in desperate need of a bath; so ignoring the small road that lead to the village, I began my way up the mountain. If there is a village nearby, I remembered shishou saying, there must be a spring nearby. Sure enough, a little more than halfway up the mountain, a more than welcoming sight of a hot mountain spring came in to view. Seeing that no one was around, I stripped off my dirty clothes and slipped into the hot water.

If there had been a word to describe that heavenly feeling as I immersed myself into that water, it would have to be the most remarkable word you can think of. Every tense muscle of my body instantly eased. It was as if God Himself was filling my empty soul with a new breath of life, healing my beaten spirit and recovering my strength with new energy.

The water was working its miracle, when the sound of splashing and laughter came from the other end of the spring. I looked to see a little girl, about the age of three or four, splattering the water with great effort. A boy, who looked no more than seven or eight, was battling to hold the young girl back.

"Chika-chan, mama would be very angry if you get your clothes all wet!"

Despite all his effort, the girl took no notice of him and continued to enjoy herself, laughing playfully when the water spattered all over the poor boy. Running out of patience, the boy tried to grab the younger child by her collar, but when he succeeded he struggled to keep hold of the wiggling child.

"Keep still!" he ordered, rather annoyed. The girl, though, had no intention of doing so. She tried to free herself, doing everything from kicking to screaming. Distracted by the confusion, neither of them seemed to realize they were getting dangerously close to the edge of the water. I quickly got dressed and hurried over to where the two youngsters were fighting. Just in time, too. For no sooner had I reached the other end, the young boy lost his grip and before she was able to stop squirming she took a step back which would have caused her to fall into the water. Lunging forward I caught the girl swiftly.

The girl looked up at me with these beautiful eyes of a deep shade of purple. After taking a moment to comprehend what had happened, she suddenly opened her mouth and cried. Having never encountered a crying child in my arms, I had no idea of what I should do. I've rescued a few kids during those years of the Bakufu war, but they had been so terrified of the situation that I had rescued them from, they rather only sobbed than crying out loud. So at that moment I stared at the crying child, panicking out of not knowing what to do. It was rather strange to tense up merely because of a crying child, when I had remained calm through numerous more horrifying situations during the war.

"Chika-chan."  
To my relief, the boy came over to comfort her.  
"Chika-chan," he repeated, "It's all right."

He looked up at me and was halfway through nodding his head in gratitude, when he stopped and stared at me with widen eyes.  
"Ni… onii-san…"

On hearing those words, the girl suddenly stopped crying, and stared up at me also. At once I found myself nervously trying to break away from the two pairs of deep purple eyes, which at the time seemed more piercing than any enemies I've encountered! 

"Gomen," the boy quickly apologized, "I'm sorry, mister. I mistook you for someone else… Thank you for saving my little sister."

His sister, though, still stared at me with her huge eyes.  
"Onii-chan…" she reached her small hand to touch the scar on my left cheek, "You're hurt, onii-chan! You're hurt!"

At the touch of her hand, I instinctually retreated more harshly than I intended to. The boy roughly took his sister's hand to shake her out of her trance.

"Chika-chan! It's getting late, we're going home."  
"No! Let go of Chika! Onii-chan… Onii-chan!" the little girl yelled and started crying again, while she tugged at my sleeve.  
Not knowing how to respond to this sudden change, I held the girl in my arms.  
"Mama is going to get angry at me for not taking you home on time!" the boy tried desperately to pull his sister away from me, "Come on, Chika-chan!"

To my horror, the young boy looked so frightened he looked as if he too was going to start crying at any moment. Terrified, I decided I would better do something before I have to deal with two wailing children. Nervously I tried to calm the young boy.

"There, there… I…" I had to raise my voice above the wailing child, "Here, don't worry. I'll come with you. Do you live at that village by the mountainside? I'll come along, so please don't cry, Chika-chan?"

It took a little less convincing than I thought I would need to do; I carried little Chika-chan in my arms because she would not let go, while the boy, whose name was Tooru, tagged along tugging at my hakama every now and then as we went along. Chika-chan even snuggly buried her face against my chest. I blushed, touched by her sense of security with me. It astonished yet consoled me to see the two children, having only met me a few minutes ago as a complete stranger, now putting complete trust in me. My nervousness vanished and a warm affection swept over me, and I smiled fondly.

By the time we reached the village, the sun was already setting. Tooru and Chika-chan's mother was standing anxiously by the door, looking out for them. She ran over to us with a worried look on her face. She putted her arms around Tooru, sighing in relief.

"Mama, it's ok," Tooru seemed a little embarrassed by his mother's seemingly overreaction, "Onii-san here saved Chika-chan!"  
The mother only looked up at me then, and I saw a questioning look on her pale face.  
"You are…?"  
"I'm a wandering rurouni, Okusan."

She stared at me, like the way the children had earlier by the spring.

"Shuuichi…"  
Shuuichi?  
"No, no, I'm sorry," the mother shook her head and gave a weak smile, "Thank you for bringing my children home safely. Do come in for something to eat, rurouni-san?"

I looked down and grinned to see little Chika-chan looking at me with these pleading eyes.  
"If you don't mind then, Okusan."

I spent that night, after a simple delicious meal, in the bedroom which the two children normally shared. Their mother apologized for the small room, but I was happy to just have a corner by the window to get some rest. The two youngsters shared a futon, and I couldn't help but smile to see the two angelic faces sleeping soundly; taking note that this must have only been possible since the war ended. For a long time I had not thought about those short years as a young child, living with my family on a farm in some remote village; but that night, as the moonlight bathed the small room, I thought of those happier days of my life.

I was born in to a loving family, but the world I was born into was in chaos. Each day was a battle to save what little peaceful moments there were; each day our composed village lives faces the threat of attacks from outside. I glanced at the two sleeping children in the futon, and to some degree my heart was filled with envy. How lucky they were; to be growing up with a new era where there shall be peace and a promised future.

Seeing the reward of the serenity peace had bought about, it was the first time I truly felt the significance of the new era. It was the first time I truly felt 'yes, all the terrible things I did was worth it.'

***

Japanese terms:  
onii-san- elder brother  
Okusan: madam  
*Thanx to Lucrecia LeVrai & kamorgana for correcting my mistake ^^;;;

A note on the names:  
Chika means 'thousand of flowers'  
Tooru as the name I've chosen is 'clear; bright' or 'transparent; see-through'  
As for Shuuichi (we'll hear more about him in the next part!)… well that's just a typical guy's name

Chapter 4 is in two parts, not divided as two chapters because each chapter is suppose to tell a single story from a chapter of Kenshin's rurouni life ^o^ (yes, and that means the story of this chapter hasn't ended yet!) I'm hoping to convey different aspects of Kenshin's search for his 'answer' in life during his rurouni wandering in each chapter. Chapter 1 was really just a prologue; chapter 2 and 3 were mainly to do with him dealing with his Tomoe past; Chapter 4 is (and going to be in part2) about Kenshin realizing the aftereffects of what he has done- this part one is the positive side of it, while part 2 is the negative side…

So see you in the next part! "Chapter 4: part 2- Fate of a hitokiri."  
(Oh and yes, I've given names for my chapters!)

As always, I love reviews. So plz bomb the review board with them, no matter if it's flames or praises ^o^


	5. Chapter 4: Part 2 Fate of a hitokiri

Under the Shadow  
Chapter 4: Part 2- Fate of a hitokiri

Chika-chan stirred in her sleep.

Next minute she opened her eyes and stared at me; the next she had crawled from her warm futon into my lap.

"Onii-chan," she whispered dreamily, "You're home."

She had mistaken me for someone I'm not, I knew, but she was warm, so cuddly that it seemed impossible to resist the temptation of acting as her 'onii-chan' for the while. So I held her in my lap, wrapping the blanket around me over her shoulder, and took a closer look at her face.

Chika was very fair, so to speak; literally her skin was milky pale, except for her two rosy cheeks. Her hair was a dark hazel colour, with neat fringes across her forehead. She was quite well built for a child of three years of age; rather chubby and short.  
Witty, I thought, and strong in character. She would be the kind of person we need to support this new era; the kind that would be willing to believe in the people, with strong leadership, and most of all, radiant with hope when she stands up.

I could not remember the last time that I was able to properly fall asleep. Even then, with the warmth of Chika-chan in my arms; despite the safety of the remoteness of the village… the hitokiri that sleeps within me does not allow any tense muscles to relax; not a moment to let my guard down… I was tired! I was damn tired of this almost insane alertness at all times. Yet I was scared. I could not die- I had a duty to live; if only for the lives I had sacrificed. The hitokiri knew that danger still lurched in every corner.

And now, the hitokiri sensed danger.

Instinctively, I gripped the hilt of my sword.  
Approaching… approaching…

My mind was clouding…  
Unthinking, my ears tuned in to every sound of the night.  
The sound of dripping water.  
Sound of howling wind.  
A yell from some distance.  
Ten meters… eight… if not closer still…  
Footsteps.

My vision focused on the narrow distance between the screen of the shoji and the corner of the room.

Fingers gripped tightly around the hilt, I waited with a strange mix between anxiousness and anticipation of whatever that shall happen.

A soft click.  
The sword was out with a mighty swing, precisely at the point to slit a human's throat.  
The sword was held with firm accuracy in the hitokiri's expected threatening manner, until I heard the thump of the prey falling on the ground.  
The sudden sound snapped me out of my trance, my sword arm dropped by my side, and I found myself grasping heavily for air.  
A pair of frightened, purple eyes came in to my clearing vision as my sense came back to me.

"Gomen-nasai! Okusan…I must have been having a nightmare, I'm so sorry to have frightened you like that. Truly sorry… I…"  
At my outburst of words, she shook herself out of the fright she received and bought a finger to her lips as gesture to hush me- the children were still asleep.

  
Not another word was passed. The children's mother tugged Chika back into her futon and went back to her room.   
Everything seemed back into place.  
Except my mind.   
Running out of the house as quickly as I could remain silent, I fled pass the neighborhood, scrambling right into the river.   
Frantically splashing the freezing water into my face, waking myself.

I howled into the night.

I crumbled. Into a pile under the bridge.  
I had nearly done it. I had nearly taken another innocent life.  
I tried to shake the thought out of my head.  
Red. The colour of blood.  
"Stop it! Stop it!"

Some kind of light pierced through my closed eyelids. Something smelt like it had burnt.

Tomoe, did you forget to put out the stove's fire again?

__

They said he was around here somewhere…   
Look at that scar on his face!  
…Like lighting! Right at her throat!  
The poor mother was only checking on her children…  
Bloodthirsty…horrible, just horrible…  
Kami-sama bless the children! Who knows what he was about to do to them!  
All those murders… they say they never wake up from it…  
I knew he was no good… covering it with his friendly rurouni face…  
Tricked the poor mother… His son was killed in the Bakufu war…  
Hitokiri…

Fire on torches.

"He's awake!"  
A child screamed.  
"Baka! Run! Before he wakes… run!"  
Sound of a panicking mother.

My eyes snapped open, and I sat up.  
The crowd dramatically gasped and took a step back.

What was going on?

It seemed obvious; yet the lit torches dizzied my mind.  
Curious women and children were hiding behind their men, who were armed either with torches or wooden rods, standing in an assortment of protective stances.

All these frightened eyes.

I tried to stand up, but was barked at.  
"Don't move!" one of the men yelled, "You might be strong, but you're outnumbered! Don't move… or… or we'll attack!"  
He waved his wooden rod as if to make his point. When I didn't reply, another man continued with more confidence.  
"It's you! I knew it! I knew it as soon as you walked in to the village! Hitokiri Battousai!"

I winced at the name.

The next seconds was a blur. Maybe it was the smoke from the torches; maybe the muffled battle cries.  
Maybe it was the reminder of my identity.

I only knew, as the men swung down the rods in their hands, I launched myself and aimed below the knees. In one blow three or five men fell instantly; the next I shot into the air and swung down the sakabato at the shoulders.

  
I felt nothing as I heard their screams.  
Only one question was on my mind.

Was this what I deserved?  
Maybe it was.

Japanese terms:  
onii-san- elder brother  
hitokiri: well, I sure you know… but *just* in case, manslayer  
shoji: those screen doors that divides/opens to the rooms  
Gomen-nasai: sorry  
Okusan: madam  
Bakufu: name of the Shogunate government  
Kami: God

Extremely sorry for the lateness… I was busy (but that's just an excuse…)…  
Maybe it's because I haven't touched this fic for so long… this is totally different from what I had planned, and the style is, well, different =p As for confusion in this chapter, I think I've made an record high =.= But since I'm the author I can't tell if I'm writing a mess… so please tell me! As always, I'll love it if you click that little review button below ^o^


	6. Chapter 5: Touched by an Angel

I should have done this earlier, but kept forgetting…

A word to my "sponsors"(reviewers, you truly are my sponsors as I feed on them to keep writing =p):  
A big thank you to all of you: Lucrecia LeVrai (you reviewed my every chapter! Wow! I love you!!), Maeve Riannon (another frequent reviewer! Love you too!), Sean Montgomery (I don't think I delivered a chapter 5 up to your expectation… gomen !), haku baikou (thanks for your thoughtful review! And thanks again for posting it on your site .~!), Crazy Girl Person (I am thrilled to have a fic on your favourite list! …but how come you don't review anymore? ), Asteria, B.E.W.D, A-chan, rath, kitty, kandy & Chaos Kid

Bless those who review!

Under the Shadow  
by Ayashi  
Chapter 5: Touched by an angel

  
The rain was so fine it created a tingling sensation on my skin. A cold tingling sensation. The tranquil sound of water calmed the beating heart just fine, yet it was not enough to cover the voices echoing in my head.

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Oniisan! Oniisan! Where're you going?  
He's the Hitokiri Battousai! Get him!  
Are you going to leave Chika-chan behind again? Oniisan! Oniisan!

The rain was getting heavier.  
I hugged my knees for warmth, yet I felt none. The rain continued to beat, soaking my long-faded blue gi and the tattered hakama. I seized the shielded sakabato from my belt, holding it with both hands, watching as it too, got beaten by the storm. I ran a finger down its perfect black saya, brushing the droplets off.

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Oniisan!

Chika-chan's crying face was on my mind. Her hands, wiping frantically the tears running down her face. My heart had ached but I did not stop running. It had only dawned on me then, when I was fleeing from the village, who this 'oniisan' was. A victim of the Bakufu war. Possibly a victim of a hitokiri. And all of a sudden I realized, I had no right to be near the two children, I had no right to even just pretend to be this 'oniisan'. Her tears only made me want to run faster and shut myself from the shameful thoughts.

My hands were stiffening in the chilly wind; my eyes not adjusting to the blurry landscape. Was it morning? Afternoon? Evening? There was no sun, but there was no moon. Had it been days, or weeks since I left that small village? I did not record the roads I took, nor the villages and towns that I fled past. I must have then fell, and left slumped here in the rain. 

I felt completely lost.

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Shinta… Shinta…You must live on…

Live on… what is the point of living on, if there was no one who cared?  
What is the point, when my goal had been accomplished, and the person I love was gone?

__

  
…From this day on, your name is Kenshin  
…Ken…shin…  
  
I hated this name.  
The only sword that I was and ever would be was one that was stained with blood.  
A bloodied sword and a bleeding heart.

__

Gomen nasai…Anata…

Why?

I did not understand.  
Why was it that all those whom I sought to protect, died in front my very eyes?  
Died as I watched, helpless to do anything.

The shielded sword fell from my hands, landing with a splash into a muddy puddle.  
Maybe he was right. It was a stupid idea to become a rurouni, I'd never be able to be a rurouni. Even if I no longer killed, my sword still harmed, still threatened to innocence people.  
But what else could I do?  
I was confused. I was lost. Abandoned like a toy. A puppet that had served the purpose of its master and was no longer wanted, no longer needed. They had shattered my soul and I was left broken.  
I was desperate for an answer.  
I wanted an answer to this all.  
Tomoe… tell me what my answer should be. Tell me what to do.  
Tell me… tell me…  
I grasped the damp hair between my fingers, doubling over until I was huddled up in a ball.  
Tell me… tell me…

__

Anyone.

"You'll catch a cold sitting there."

I looked up. She smelt of my Tomoe.  
"Here," she came closer to share her umbrella over my head. She smiled, "My home is just down the corner, why don't you come and have something to warm yourself until the storm stops?"  
I said nothing. I can't, said a voice in my head; I'll only cause trouble to those who came near. But how do you refuse such a kind offer from such a warm-hearted soul? Before I came up with an answer, however, the young woman stooped gracefully so that her eyes met mines. I remained impassive, but she would not stop staring, as if searching my soul, until I turned my head and broke away from her intensive glare. I felt her eyes tracing my scar, and I felt it burn.

Without warning, she seized my hand and stood up, pulling me up along the way.  
"Your name?"  
I stood still for a second, dumbfounded.  
"Call me a rurouni, lady."  
"I asked for your name, sir."  
"My name is unworthy…"  
"Kaede."  
"Eh?"  
"My name is Kaede. Yukishiro Kaede."

I noted that it was raining.


End file.
